Jeffrey,

If I look at the calendar, 1/1/2015 seems a long way from 6/27/2009. If I look at my heart, it still seems like only yesterday that God took you home. I promise, for you, I'm being as strong as possible. You are always in my thoughts and my heart. There are more days that I get through more easily. There are fewer days that my grief and emotions get the best of me and tears fall uncontrollably from my eyes.

There are so many mothers who face the same grief that I feel. Many of them lost their children in much more traumatic situations. I hope that in some way, you and each child with you in heaven, knows how very much you are all loved and missed - especially by your mothers. I pray that God's healing grace will soothe each mother's heart and help them get through all the days until we see our children again.

I'm sure you were shocked with your momma got that tattoo! I know you understand its meaning. Losing you broke my heart. Mick is doing all he can to hold it together!

Thank you for building this crazy family! It would only be better if you were physically with us! I love you. Always have and always will!

Until I see your smiling face,

Mom

Gone from here, but not your spirit. Never forgotten. Always loved.

Jeffrey,

Today you would be 25! I can only imagine the man you would be today. Would you be coaching a basketball team and teaching school? Would you be married? A father?

I look at your photographs, especially my favorite ones. The photos of you pitching ball in North Middletown, the 3 point buzzer shot, the photos of you and your nieces and nephews... There's a great photo of you, Matt and Rachel. The three cousins - so close even though you only saw each other a couple of weeks each year. Your senior photos and the photos we took of everyone on graduation day.

I watch your senior basketball dvd. It's such a blessing to be able to not only see you, but to hear your voice, too!

Briahna's 8th grade night for BoCo basketball is Tuesday. One of the questions she had to answer was about her favorite basketball player. No surprise - it's you! Of course, you'll always be my favorite ball player too! I miss watching you play. I miss you terribly. That's not going to change between now and when I see you again.  

We all miss you, Jeffrey. We all love you. I remember the last time I saw you. I hugged you so hard that day. One day, I'll get to hug you again. 

Can't wait to learn what the two little jobs are that you do for God every day! 

Love always,

Mom 

Jeffrey,

2013 was a year of many ups and downs for your family. Other than losing you in 2009, it's been one of our most difficult ones. I am certainly glad to see it behind us!

Martha and Carla have both had very troubling medical problems. I am sure you have been watching over them! Martha has so many painful days because of her Psoriatic Arthritis. Cold weather is even harder on her. Even on good days, she is in too much pain. She still pushes herself beyond what she is physically capable of tolerating. 

Carla's diagnosis of colon cancer in July was so unexpected. She was so frail after the surgery! We were so afraid that Carla was going to be with you rather than here with us. We thank God that she is doing so well. She has had the very best surgical and medical teams. he's had some rough months recovering, but now looks so good. We are praying that her next follow up in February will bring more good news that she is continuing to recover. 

Garrett is doing well now! We are so thankful that he has found what he wants to do with his life. He's in school in Tampa and will work with Roy once he graduates. It seems to be a great fit for him. And he gets to flirt with more women than even you ever could!

Joe is also becoming the man he needs to be for his family. He's been working very hard and has his priorities aligned properly. He loves Whitley and Rhyann so much.

HollyAnn - hard to believe she is halfway through her sophamore year of high school! You probably wouldn't believe how tall she is and how beautiful she's become! So very different than that little girl you all teased by putting her doll in the ceiling fan! 

Mick and I miss you... as much as ever. I don't think the pain of losing you will ever completely go away. It's true that most days are better than they were even a year ago. 

I hope that when Travis arrived in heaven that you helped greet him. Donna and Lorie are so heartbroken. I wish I had could honestly tell them that it will be ok. It won't be ok... it will be easier at some point... but it will not be ok.  

I love you and miss you so very much! One day I will see you again. Until then, I'll be thankful that God let me be your mom.

Love,

Mom 

Jeffrey,

We just spent our 4th Christmas without you. Still so hard to believe you are not here on earth with us. I am thankful that I know you are home with God and celebrating the birth of Jesus in real style! If it weren't for that faith, there is no way I or any of us that love you could survive because we still miss you so terribly. 

The one Christmas we all had together will forever be one of the happiest of all. The only photos we have of our whole family are from Christmas Day 2008 at Dad's. I think of those photos and this crazy group as 'the family that Jeffrey built.' If it weren't for your decision to finish high school in Montgomery County, Mick and I would never have met. Your life and, unfortunately your death, were factors that more than contributed to Joe and Whitley dating and the addition of their baby, Rhyann to the family.  I don't think Carla would have met Mike and Gabe wouldn't be almost a year old now.

You still have such an impact on us, your family, and even people you never met. I'm sure you are proud of your nieces and nephews and are as amazed as I am at how quickly they are growing.

You are in our hearts forever. We talk about you so often. The kids love to tell their 'Uncle Jeffrey stories.' 

We're getting better. Still hurts not to be able to hug you or talk with you. You were only 19 when you went home. Today you'd be 23. I wonder at the amazing young man you would be today. Would we still call you the 'great debator?' Would you be out of school and working your first coaching job? Would you be in love and thinking of marriage and starting a family?

I know you completed all the tasks God had for you here. It was your time to go home. I look forward to that day when we will all be together. Between now and then, I'll miss you. I'll love you.

Gone from here, but not your spirit. Never forgotten. Always loved.

I love you,

Mom 

Jeffrey - Grandy has liked this poem for a long, long time. It's one that I need to try to remember when I think of you. I need to laugh at all the silly things you did. I need to smile whenever something you like crosses my mind. I need to talk about you and honor you. You lived a very full life. You still are remembered and loved by so many people. You made a difference! And you are still making a difference! 

I love you, I miss you... but I absolutely CHERISH the time we had and am looking forward to the day we are all back together again!

Mom 

Death is Nothing at All